The Art and Science of Love: How to Improve Your Most Important
Relationships with Dr. John Gottman, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, & Dr. Daniel Z. Lieberman
Original Air Date Wednesday, May 29, 2019
Ah! Love, the mystical, passionate, tingly feeling that can change our lives in an instant. Its intoxicating effects make our days seem brighter, possibilities seem endless, and positivity creeps in to even our darkest places. As we begin to desire the object of our affection, a profound need forms. Our brains begin seeping pleasure chemicals into our systems leading us toward an unrelenting thirst for companionship and connection. But what happens when passion subsides and the fire dwindles? How do couples rekindle the embers and keep relationships
warm and loving for the long-term? To delve deeper into the physiological and emotional transformations that spellbind us, Positive Psychology Podcast Host, Lisa Cypers Kamen speaks with three relationship researchers who can predict the longevity of our pairings. Dr.
John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman share eight processes that can be used to strengthen our interpersonal relationships. And, Dr. Daniel Lieberman describes the chemicals that provide our love ‘fix’.
Does something in this conversation resonate with you? Are you in need of a professional speaker who can elevate your tribe & enliven your culture? Lisa Cypers Kamen is an award-winning speaker, author & happiness expert who facilitates life-changing presentations for organizations of any size. The science is clear, happier people thrive in life. If you are ready to inject joy into your organization, find out which program is best for you at Lisa’s Live Events.
- In the book, Eight Dates, John and Julie want to give couples a chance to refire their curiosity in one another. [1:56]
- The eight dates focus on the important subjects couples face in life but may not talk about early in a relationship. [4:56]
- The Love Lab tests the physiological and emotional responses of couples who are having deep conversations about their relationships. [7:51]
- The predictors of relationship success. [14:19]
- Date five addresses what family means to both partners and what kind of family they would like to have. [17:45]
World-renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce prediction, John Gottman has conducted more than 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples. John is also Professor Emeritus of Psychology at the University of Washington, where he founded The Love Lab and conducted much of his research on couples. Julie Schwartz Gottman is the co-founder and president of the Gottman Institute and clinical supervisor for the Couples Together Against Violence study. A highly respected clinical psychologist, she is sought internationally by media and organizations as an expert.
Book: Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
- Why we see the world differently when we are in love and how we can get addicted to love. [30:53]
- Dr. Lieberman describes the role of dopamine in humans. [36:08]
- How a relationship can be transformed from passionate love to companionate love after 12 to 18 weeks. [38:18]
- How drugs and pornography provide addicts an alternative source of dopamine in place of personal relationships. [40:52]
- What is the fundamental purpose of life? Is it to maximize pleasure or growth to maximize potential? [47:39]
- Dr. Lieberman explains the chemicals that entice humans to have long-term relationships. [50:09]
Daniel Z. Lieberman, M.D. is a professor and vice chair for clinical affairs in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at George Washington University. He has provided insight on psychiatric issues for the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, the US Department of Commerce, and the Office of Drug and Alcohol Policy, and has discussed mental health in interviews on CNN, C-SPAN, and PBS.
Book: The Molecule of More: How a Single Chemical in Your Brain Drives Love, Sex, and Creativity – and Will Determine the Fate of the Human Race
This episode of Harvesting Happiness Talk Radio is sponsored by:
Are We Happy Yet? Eight Keys to Unlocking a Joyful Life — A guidebook for learning how to harvest happiness through self-mastery. Happiness waits for no one and sometimes we all need support. What is getting in the way of your happiness right now?
H-Factor: Where is Your Heart? — Lisa’s documentary film that explores the journey of human happiness. Emotions are contagious and happiness is a universally-desired state. We tend to forget we all have the freedom to be happy or the liberty to be miserable each day.
“Spending quality time is such a valuable and important part of maintaining any relationship.” @LisaKamen on @HH_TalkRadio Click To Tweet“Spirituality is not something the average couple talks about.” @LisaKamen on @HH_TalkRadio Click To Tweet“Turning toward is a small simple gesture of words or touch that indicates a person is interested and wants to respond.” @GottmanInst on @HH_TalkRadio Click To Tweet“Contempt is like sulfuric acid to the immune system.” @GottmanInst on @HH_TalkRadio Click To Tweet“Within 15 minutes we can make predictions of whether a couple will get a divorce.” @GottmanInst on @HH_TalkRadio Click To Tweet“Couples struggle with money conversations because money means many different things to many different people.” @GottmanInst on @HH_TalkRadio Click To Tweet“A lot of the same things that go on in the brain when we are in love are similar to things that happen when we get drunk or take drugs.” @MoleculeofMore on @HH_TalkRadio Click To Tweet“Dopamine gives us the energy and motivation to pursue the hard challenges that give us a better future.” @MoleculeofMore on @HH_TalkRadio Click To Tweet“One of the biggest problems drug addicts face is they don't have relationships of any kind because drugs have been a substitute for developmental hard work.” @MoleculeofMore on @HH_TalkRadio Click To Tweet“Like with drugs, there are aspects of pornography that can become addictive.” @MoleculeofMore on @HH_TalkRadio Click To Tweet“In Japan, young people are giving up dating completely because it's emotionally risky.” @MoleculeofMore on @HH_TalkRadio Click To Tweet“We present a mask to the world. A mask that shows only the parts of ourselves we are comfortable with. When you start to have an intimate connection with someone they are going to see through that mask.” @MoleculeofMore on @HH_TalkRadio Click To Tweet“We are hardwired to have long-term relationships.” @MoleculeofMore on @HH_TalkRadio Click To Tweet
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