Broken pink heart with a gray background, image of new podcast episode about mind games and gaslighting with Deborah Vinall and Kristina Scharp

Complicated Connections: Mind Games & Broken Bonds

Original Air Date Wednesday, January 19, 2022

The widely-used adage ‘you can’t pick your family’ generally translates in to making the best of what you have when you have no choice in the matter. People rarely have the option to choose who provides their mental and physical nourishment, especially children.

How we handle relationships with relatives once we reach adulthood is up to us. But, if we have been subject to years of gaslighting or mental manipulation, it can be difficult to discern between what we believe is good for us and what we truly need to thrive.

To dissect the cycle of both gaslighting and estrangement, Harvesting Happiness Podcast Host Lisa Cypers Kamen speaks with a therapist and a researcher about the complex relationships we engage in and disconnect from.

Doctor of Psychology, Deborah Vinall offers an in-depth look at gaslighting, describes the key takeaways from her book, Gaslighting: A Step-by-Step Recovery Guide to Heal from Emotional Abuse and Build Healthy Relationships, and shares the steps people can take to set self-honoring boundaries when confronting a gaslighter.

Kristina Sharp, Director of the Family Communication and Relationships Lab, at the University of Washington and Michigan State, describes her role as a researcher who studies estrangement from first-hand accounts of those who have severed ties with families and the misguided perception of what a family is as portrayed by American media.

Tune in:

Lisa Cypers Kamen · Complicated Connections: Mind Games & Broken Bonds with Deborah Vinall PsyD and Kristina Scharp PhD

Meet Our Guests:

Complicated Connections: Mind Games and Broken Bonds with Deborah Vinall and Kristina Scharp

Deborah Vinall is a Doctor of Psychology, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and a certified EMDR and Brainspotting practitioner. She specializes in helping individuals heal from traumatic life experiences and painful relationship dynamics, and was awarded the Sandra Wilson Memorial Grant from the EMDR Research Foundation for her research on the impacts and treatment response of survivors of mass shootings across the USA.

Book: Gaslighting: A Step-by-Step Recovery Guide to Heal from Emotional Abuse and Build Healthy Relationships

Deborah Vinall PsyD — Mind Games & Gaslighting:

Deborah defines gaslighting and describes who the perpetrators generally are. {1:57}
An example of gaslighting that many have experienced and how it undermines the sense of self. {4:52}
In her book, Gaslighting: A Step-by-Step Recovery Guide to Heal from Emotional Abuse and Build Healthy Relationships, Deborah reveals the gaslighter’s playbook. {8:45}
How to set boundaries and what to do if you find yourself involved with a gaslighter. {18:16}
In the book, Gaslighting, there are healing steps including guided meditations and a decision tree. {26:40}

Follow Deborah Vinall PsyD:

Kristina M. Scharp is an Associate Professor in the Department of Communication at the University of Washington. She received her Phd in Family, Interpersonal, and Health Communication from The University of Iowa in 2014. Kristina researches difficult relationship transitions and the ways people cope with the disruptions to their lives. She is a frequent contributor to the New York Times, NPR, and The Washington Post. Dr. Scharp is a Director of the Family Communication and Relationships Lab that is housed both at the University of Washington and Michigan State University.

Kristina Sharp — Broken Bonds & Complicated Connections:

Researching the family unit, estranged family members, and family diversity. {33:15}
Intentional family estrangement is complex and it affects all family members. {38:04}
The different ways people attempt to dissolve a relationship are categorized as the 8 Characteristics of Estrangement. {47:28}
When disconnects in families happen, parents and children often perceive different reasons for the estrangement. {54:26}

Follow Kristina Sharp:

Shareables:

“Gaslighting exists on a spectrum. It can happen in everyday relationships.” @dr.deborah.vinall.psyd on @HHTalkRadio Share on X “A lot of trauma is rooted in relationships. Not all of it but a lot of it.” @dr.deborah.vinall.psyd on @HHTalkRadio Share on X “Stigma comes from perceived differences and feeling you are in an out-group.” @FamilyCommLab on @HHTalkRadio Share on X “Depending on the reason, getting some estrangement might be healthy for you.” @FamilyCommLab on @HHTalkRadio Share on X

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Are We Happy Yet? Eight Keys to Unlocking a Joyful Life — A boot camp manual for greater emotional fitness. Happiness waits for no one and sometimes we all need support. What is getting in the way of your happiness right now?

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